. The wankers on site don't drink it because they can't afford it! Withnail: You've had an audition. I must be out of my mind. *You'll all suffer*! Let him get his drugs out. Well, it's not my fault if the system doesn't work! Stop saying that! Alright, we're going to have to work quickly. We shall buy this place and fire you immediately. Black puddings are no good to us. If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present. Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. [shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement]. Withnail: I've got a bastard behind the eyes. Well neither have I. Danny: If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present! I think an evening at The Crow. It's too hot so he drops it]. Especially that little pimp! Danny: Then why's he wearing that old suit? Ah! That's what you say. How noble in reason! Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford. Then all at once those frozen hours melt out through the nervous system and seep out the pores. Withnail: It is called a Camberwell Carrot. Withnail: (Stirring) I deny all accusations. Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. [he pulls Withnail's cigarette out of his mouth and puts it in his]. withnail. We mean no harm! Listen, we're bona fide, we're not from London. He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! For reasons I can't really discuss with you, he had to go to Jamaica. I'm glad you're the proprietor, I was gonna have to have a word with you anyway. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. It's got to warm up. I happen to be the proprietor. They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworth's, man. And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. Withnail: Withnail: He doesn't have any friends. 10 quotes from Withnail and I: the Original Screenplay: 'We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell.' . Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder, they've arrived at the cottage, it's cold and dark, amorously puts his hand on Marwood's arm as he peels vegetables, he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it, stands barefoot, about to leave Withnail and Marwood's flat. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. The best GIFs are on GIPHY. Marwood: . My heart's beating like a f***ed clock! Withnail: Here hare here? They dont like me being on stage. Marwood: [eating chips while taking a bath] Ive got your saveloy. How infinite in faculties! Poacher. Sitting down to enjoy my holiday. Is Marwood in love with Withnail? The paragon of animals! Danny: "I'm going to pull your head off." All right, Miss Blennerhassett, I'm warning you, if you do, you're fired. 'He used to pick on me. I don't advise a haircut, man. Danny: At some point or another I want to stop and get hold of a child. Dont be ridiculous. What is all this tactical necessity and calculated risk? Marwood: You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it! That is an unfortunate political decision. What goods the countryside? I want something's flesh! He had a weight under his fez. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Marwood: You undo your valve and give them a dose of unadulterated child's piss and they have to give you your keys back. Especially that. Web. It features Paul Heller as producer, Lord David Dundas, and Rick Wentworth in charge of musical score, and Peter Hannan as head of cinematography. Danny: Don't get uptight with me, man. Quotes and one-liners: . Four floors up on the Charing Cross road and never a job at the top of them. It can utilise up to 12 skins. His mechanism's gone, he's had more drugs than you've had hot dinners! He went to the other place, Monty. Best kill it quick before it tries to make friends with us. Withnail: Amy Audrey Locke's 1912 In Praise of Winchester offers an anthology of over 100 pages of prose and verse about Winchester College. - Washington Irving. Isaac Parkin: Go with it. What a piece of work is a man! Danny: Why don't you use a cup like any other human being? We're in danger, we've got to get out. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. . Were incompatible. I suggest you both go outside and discuss it sensibly, in the street. Monty: The only programme I'm likely to get on is the fucking news! My partner's got a really good idea for making dolls. Trade: Phenodihydrochloride benzorex. Nonsense. This is me naked in a corner! Monty: When I strike they won't know what hit them! Voila! Marwood: Easy for you to say, luvvie, you've had an audition. Before I became a journalist I was in the Territorials. As a youth, I used to weep in butchers' shops! The man was fined $10,000 and was ordered to pay $1,843 in restitution to Maine. Marwood: Who is the huge spade in the bath? There is a certain je ne sais quoi - oh, so very special - about a firm, young carrotExcuse me Uncle Monty: I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary! Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. Withnail: Marwood: Marwood: Marwood: This suit was cut by Hawke's of Savile Row! Danny: No, man. [Withnail sees Marwood eating some brownish fluid out of a bowl with a spoon] She said she'd closed. share. You're looking very beautiful, man. Finally, the Withnail And I script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Richard E. Grant movie. It's society's crime, not ours. Monty: (to the cat) you beastly little parasite how dare you, you little thug how dare you, arrgh beastly ungrateful little swine. Monty: What the f*** are you talking about? Uncle Monty: Oh! Are you the farmer? Little tarts, they love it! Here. Tell him if you must, I no longer care. [Withnail laughs uncontrollably and drops to the floor]. I must be ill. Monty: [narrating over scene] Marwood: You beastly little parasite, how dare you! Uncle Monty: Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! Here is the clip. Marwood: Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! I might come and see you lads in the week. I assure you I'm not, officer. We are multimillionaires. [sticking out his yellowy tongue] There's a man over there that doesn't like the perfume, the big one. Withnail: Chin-chin. [after a phone call with his agent] Withnail: Grab its ring. Marwood: It's like Greenland in here. Me? Do you like to experience all facets of life? Sort: Relevant Newest # withnail and i # withnail and i # game of thrones cast # drunks # multimillionaires # gotcha # dave chappelle # i will # gotcha bitch Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). And indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory. How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties! The purveyor of rare herbs and proscribed chemicals is back. I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? Withnail: Irishman: [the man who called Marwood a ponce gets up and walks over to them. Withnail: (He spits out a globule of phlegm) Jesus, look at that. I took drugs to win medals says top athlete Geoff Woade.". What have you done to them? Withnail: Two quid? I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum! There can be no true beauty without decay. My heart's beating like a fucked clock! But old now, old. [extends arm with umbrella straight up to sky]. You got a rush. Look at us! "I fuck arses." Sinew in nicotine base. So, there's this judge sitting there in a cape like fucking Batman with this really rather far-out looking hat. [eyes filling with tears] Withnail: Marwood: What is all this "tactical necessity" and "calculated risk?!" Give me a downer, Danny. Little tarts, they love it! So he looks at the Coalman and says, "What's all this? Danny: Cool your boots, man. I don't want to hear anything. Marwood: "I f*** arses"? Here.". Oh, bollocks to the Wellingtons. Withnail: Peter Marwood: That's alright, I'll go alone. Withnail: It's a bloody chicken! Marwood: A coward you are, Withnail! The carrot has mystery. A Massachusetts man was sentenced to probation for running an illegal hare trapping operation in Maine. It will pass. Withnail And I - Wikipedia en.m.wikipedia.org. Marwood: Withnail: Listen, you young prat. Monty: [to the cat] you beastly little parasite how dare you, you little thug how dare you, arrgh beastly ungrateful little swine. Marwood: Youre not in the same boat. I'm a friend of Montague Withnail's. [points a fencing sword at Marwood face] Prostitutes for the bees. Not the attitude I'd been given to expect from the H.E. Discover the priceless words that sparkle and shine here. [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] The man is rich and homosexual and he tries to persuade them, but he gives up because he's convinced there's something between them. Uncle Monty: I've been preparing myself to forgive you. That's what I want to know! 4 Mar. Withnail: Withnail is cowering under the covers]. Withnail: The only programme I'm likely to get on is the f***ing news! Marwood: Stop saying that, Withnail, of course he's the f***ing farmer! Withnail: I had to come. Irishman: 'He used to get in bad tempers and act up,' said his wife. It's full of brilliant quotable lines: "We've gone on holiday by mistake!" "My thumbs have gone weird". Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. Offer him yourself. He's been fed from arsehole to beak. Danny: Relax, man, find your neutral space. ", Oh! you little traitors. How dare you call me inhumane?! We'll have another pair of large scotches. I'll show the lot of you! Danny: Withnail: No, that is a dog. Two out-of-work actors -- the anxious, luckless Marwood and his acerbic, alcoholic friend, Withnail -- spend their days drifting between their squalid flat, the unemployment office and the pub. Withnail: Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. Withnail: Opened the oven door and it was in there looking at me. It won't be the first time I've been left with the couch. Yes, as a matter of fact I have. You know, farmers, travelling tinkers, milkmen, that sort of thing. Add spice to it. [after trying the Camberwell Carrot] Give in to it, boy. He's an expert. We've got to get some booze. My thumbs have gone weird! This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors! Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels. 100% Upvoted. He used to pick on me. I'm good looking. Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! What's in your hump? Oh, look at this little bastard. There can be no true beauty without decay. [picking up an apron] Withnail: Then why has my head gone numb? Withnail: Tactical necessity. The cottage. [during dinner] Look at him! I know how you feel and how difficult it is. The thermostats. You little thug! The carrot has mystery. Withnail is walking him to the station in the heavy rain]. They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworth's, man. Withnail: These mom & son quotes will help you describe your love for him. He's a madman. An expert on bulls you are not! Marwood: [is being arrested for drunk driving] How dare you call me inhumane! Withnail: Get into countryside, rejuvenate. These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! Marwood: Get out of it for a while. Always full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow. Flowers are essentially tarts. Withnail: He leans up close to her, speaking into to her hearing aid, Mr Parkin is sitting on his tractor with one leg wrapped from thigh to ankle in a plastic fertiliser bag. tags: humour, withnail-i. It's like a bloody rugby ball now, it will die, it will die! Then you get horribly drunk and they can't fucking touch you. And you'd be marvellous. Marwood: Will we never be set free? What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that., Flowers are essentially tarts. What makes you possibly think I've got anything for your pot? "Here. Hair are your aerials. It's trying to get itself in with you, it's trying for even more advantage! You merely imagined it. Well, of course you don't, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? You mustn't blame him. It has felt like listening to a symphony and here comes the crescendo. You don't understand. I know you're not asleep, boy. Withnail: (Paraphrasing Hamlet) I have of late but wherefore I know not lost all my mirth and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors. Marwood: He's right, Withnail, look at him! I really don't want you to. Don't threaten me with a dead fish! by Anonymous: reply 16: February 3, 2021 10:58 PM: I've gone on holiday by mistake. If I lay 10 mils of diazepam on you, it will do something else to your brain. Then why's he wearing that old suit? I've never met him. Required fields are marked *. Withnail and I Quotes. Marwood: (Voice-over) I could hardly piss straight with fear. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. Burnt! Withnail: Easily [ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck] This is me, naked in a corner! All right, get hold of it. Go with it. You lead him astray. You fill this with piss, take this pipe down the trouser and sellotape this valve to the end of the old chap. It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself "I will never play the Dane." Danny: I dont advise a haircut, man. If you have any question or suggestion then just comment below or contact us. Scrubbers! There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside! Withnail: Hold on, don't let your imagination run away with you Marwood: Imagination! I was gonna cook onions. Don't you agree? We're incompatible. I've told you why. "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off." Monty: The murder and All-Bran and rape. [pulling some goo out of the sink] Tactical necessity. You won't keep us anywhere. Uncle Monty: It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane.". Why don't you go back? One of us has got to stay on guard. This was more like a long white hat. You want working on, boy. Got a randy bull up there. I happened to be looking for a suit for the Coalman two weeks ago. Hey, show no fear! Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder]. How like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! You needn't explain, he's told me everything. Danny: Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. He says he wont come in for lunch without an apology. Withnail: This huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us. Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. C*nt give him two years. This doll is extremely dangerous. Because if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. The beauty of the world. Reflecting these times. Peter Marwood (I): We want the finest wines available to humanity! Prostitutes for the bees. Withnail: [whispering] He's going into your room. Wait till the morning, we'll go in together. Monty: How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader! Withnail: There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this f***ing mountainside! And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. [they stop and look at each other. I been watching you, especially you, prancing like a tit. Monty: Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. Marwood: Withnail: I need at least an hour for lunch. Now, come along, Im going to teach you how to peel a potato., I must have some booze. Withnail: Why don't you use a cup like any other human being? We'll buy this place and have it knocked down! [in a telephone box, speaking to an operator] Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up. Now, would you leave? There are things in there, there's a tea-bag growing! It's like Greenland in here. I feel like a pig shat in my head! Marwood: Marwood: They don't like me being on stage. Marwood: We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! Withnail: I demand to have some booze!. I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. . [the bull is scraping the ground with its front hoof, snorting]. Withnail: As a youth I used to weep in butcher's shops. We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. No fridges, no televisions, no phones. Danny: I don't advise a haircut, man. Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up! Headhunter to everyone. Monty clearly has some difficulty in reading the note. I'm in a park and I'm practically dead. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. It's too hot so he drops it, on top of a hill, shouting into a valley, his voice echoing, Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before, Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note, wakes up in the back seat of the car, which is moving along the motorway, he swerves dangerously through the motorway traffic, holding up a Fairy Liquid bottle with a strap and a tube, Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Monty: Hare. London is a country coming down from its trip. I never thought he'd come all this way. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch]. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. Honestly. Find your neutral space. You'll all suffer! I've looked into it. Monty: Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. Dealt with them? You just wait. For all of us, quotes are a great way to remember a book and to carry with us the author's best ideas. This *is* the morning. Withnail: (Wry smile) Sorry about that. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. I've only had a few ales. Withnail: Or do you shut yourself off from new experience? [noticing the plastic bags that Withnail is wearing over his shoes] The movie, which takes place in England in late 1969, involves the misadventures of a pair of chronically unemployed actors. Danny: You're looking very beautiful, man. Marwood: Listen, I pay you 10 percent to do that. I'm not having this shag-sack insulting me! [to Marwood] How like a god! You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. What are we supposed to do with that? [they go and sit down at a table with their drinks]. You need working on, boy! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Withnail: What fucker said that? Something's got to be done. I might fetch you up a rabbit. We're coming back in here. The carrot has mystery. I could take double anything you could. hide. "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." Marwood: Tea Shop Proprietor: Monty: Here hare here. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. [telephoning his agent] Offer him yourself. Withnail: I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. I think there may be something living in there, I think there may be something alive. Monty: Beastly, ungrateful little swine! My wife is having a baby. 2 pound 10 a tit and a fiver for his arse! What on Earth are those? You've got a rush. Withnail: quotes duty call warfare modern war. Withnail: Monty: It's available on What's in your hump? Danny: Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. Nonsense, this is a far superior drink to meths! I tell you, I've a f*** sight more talent than half the rubbish that gets on television. Why can't I get on television? Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. Danny: I don't consciously offend big men like this. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. I think you've been punished enough. Why can't I get on television? Ponce! Goes into court in his caftan and a bell. Oh, Oxford Marwood: It used to give him bad tempers and act up said his wife. Monty: For reasons I can't really discuss with you. The Coalman had to go to Jamaica. Don't get uptight with me, man. Let him get his drugs out. Marwood: "Here, Hare, Here" -Monty (responding to rabbit nailed to door . Have another look in that shed. Oh God, it's a nightmare, I tell you, it's a nightmare. Withnail: Well, I'd hardly say that. But now he's stopped, he's much better in our sex life and in our general life.'" [a poacher enters the pub with pheasants stuffed under his coat, making him look like a hunchback]. 2010 Drama 24M views 2 years ago Uncle Monty - the end of an age ohheckforgotusername 157K views 11 years ago Withnail & I 30. ""Here. Withnail: Withnail: I could take double anything you could! What's going on? [about Danny] Who fucks arses? No it doesn't. Withnail: You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and f*** off while you're doing it! It's trying to get itself in with you. Withnail: I thought they'd all be out the back, drinking cider and discussing butter. "It's gone. The fuel and wood situation. The older order changeth, yielding place to new. Here, I dont want it. Here hare here!" Bruce Robinson, Withnail and I: the Original Screenplay. They're throwing themselves into the road gladly! We worked out it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the Coalman. Marwood: His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own. Withnail: Marwood: [shouting at his cat] Withnail: Withnail and I is a comedy-drama film which got pretty popular. Withnail: Dead down the drain? Marwood: Soak up the booze. They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . Withnail: Danny: I tried not to. is the clip Thanks! You never discuss your family do you? Do as he says. 2 quotes have been tagged as withnail-i: Bruce Robinson: 'We've gone on holiday by mistake' and Bruce Robinson: 'Here. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. Withnail: Will it? What happened to my agent? Get out of it for a while. I wouldn't drink that if I was you. Marwood: Danny: Surrounded by trees and nature one feels a *glorious* stirring on the senses, a rejection of *poisonous* inhibition, and a *fecund* motion of the soul. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. [They drunkenly barge into some tearooms]. Oh, how I tried not to. Let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? Withnail: Man delights not me, no, nor women neither. It's those dreadful beady eyes, they stare you out. You love him. "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head.". Scrubbers! It's like a tide. I say, you know what we should do? [Marwood is leaving to go to Manchester to do a play. Withnail: Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. Monty: Withnail: Would it be in bad form to plagiarise a toast? I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Withnail: Be seated. Thought I was going for a minute. Marwood: And I've come in here with the express intention of wishing one on you! Sophocles. What a piece of work is a man. Course you have, you're the poacher. Danny: Web. We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now! They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. Rubbish. What have you done to them? Withnail unfolds the note and hands it to Monty. Because I want to walk you to the station. I'm the firelighter and fuel collector. I've been to drama school. Rejuvenate. This is ridiculous. Goes into court in his kaftan and a bell. Withnail: Well neither have I. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean anything! Don't vent spleen on me, I'm in the same boat! I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering, and have come in here with the express intention of wishing one upon you. He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! Then the fucker will rue the day! Monty: This dreadful little Israelite. Eat some cake. Listen to this. Why trust one drug and not the other? Listen, we're bona fide. We want the finest wines available to humanity. When they take a holiday "by mistake" at the country house of Withnail's flamboyantly gay uncle, Monty, they encounter the unpleasant side of the . Time change. Add spice to it. I have a heart condition. So here we are gonna talk about some of thebest quotes from the movie. It's impossible, I swear it. Marwood : No, no, you can't. It's impossible, I swear it. That's what you say. Withnail: Old suit?! Precisely the reason I'm smoking it. What are you doing up here, then? [high-pitched voice] What have you done to them? 2023. A coward you are, Withnail, an expert on bulls you are not! I'm getting the *fear*! It's impossible to use 12 papers on one joint. withnail magazinweb. Oh dear no no No, I'd be sucked into his trap! No, he'd like a bit of pleading. We've gone on holiday by mistake. [while high on drugs] Lets take a look at the following list and find out the best Withnail and I quotes. No, nor woman neither nor woman neither. Withnail: I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. Headhunter to his friends. grant . I have just finished fighting a naked man! Having said that, I now intend to leave for London. Even the wankers on the site wouldn't drink that! Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. I think a drink, don't you? We'll be back. Find helpful customer reviews and review ratings for Gold, Guns and God: Swami Bhaktipada and the West Virginia Hare .