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Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A Waitplease have an abortion and i prefer you have an abortion aredifferent? But not usually. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. iseeshiny But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. At least, as a woman, you have that option. And oxygen. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. we were truley in love. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. Or so so many of you all keep saying. Whose idea was it to take a break anyway? Steve Kellmeyer Thanks. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. Now its your turn to sit in her chair, Dr. Sherry,My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. The fact that you can find examples of a law being broken doesnt make the law just or valid. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). April 10, 2012, 6:43 pm. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Who then supports the child that the man made? guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. we are making DW history, here, people!!! This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. Well put. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. It is time to take a hard honest look at yourself and why you really want to be in a relationship with a man that wants to be with someone else. He found her annoying but still slept with herI think this was pretty assholish behavior. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. Ever. SpaceySteph Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. Women have two- before sex, and after they find out theyre pregnant. In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. This is clearly a heated topic, so Im not sure were all being purely logical about it. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. I dont see anything wrong with his points. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. If the woman is not required to support a child I got angry because it's something he should have told me. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A Youre wondering if he will marry her. Steve Kellmeyer Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). Stop this back and forth with him. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. Babies come from the hospital. If he is 40 years old and still acting like a child chances are youre going to be stuck holding the bag. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. Sue Jones Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. I had no idea most women hated it. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. They came first. Is it 100% fair to men or women? I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. Liberals only think of themselves. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. Healthy relationships don't come from a situation like this.. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy. I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. Or until we decide to start a family.. Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants. But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. You sure arent one. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! Its not a gender-based law. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? If you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. April 10, 2012, 9:34 am. Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. evanscr05 April 10, 2012, 7:42 pm. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Not your body, not your choice. Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. April 9, 2012, 3:44 pm. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Even when they both want the same thing. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. He never denies the kid is his: he even offered to support the child, though he doesnt want to be apart of the childs life. She is certain it is his. The 16 & Pregnant cast member slash Teen Mom 2 firebrand is many things, but she has never been lucky in love. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan Nothing about that makes him a bad person. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. lets_be_honest It was unplanned and a . Especially if ever precaution was taken (birth control, condoms, etc.). I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. But cest la vie. I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Unbelievable Are sued for child support. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. Thats the way it has to be. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? Men this means condom. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. Hell pay for it but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. April 10, 2012, 9:36 am. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Turns out that the bout of food poisoning she got after their anniversary dinner and the diarrhea that came with it messed with the effectiveness of her birth control pills. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. Because when the woman has a baby, she isnt a slave to anything. And not even the most important part. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. Whoa whoa whoa this kid should be the most important thing in his life, over her? You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. Jimmy has made his choice. Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. It takes two to make a baby. AndreaMarie Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. well, then Id run screaming the other way. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. There is a chance it isnt his. And why do you think shes trying to trap him? Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. So long as he isnt raping people, who are you to say he has no right to have unprotected sex? I can agree with you that the decision about which medical proceedure she under goes after that point is totally hers., Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards?. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Bottom line. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. Makes me wonder if youre happily married like I am, or just a bitter divorcee who clings to feminism and man-hating as a knee jerk reaction of having been wronged. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. She refused to listen. . For whatever reason that may be. April 10, 2012, 11:39 am, Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. And before we launch into a discussion of how terrible abortion is, in this case (the LW) were talking about one that is very early on. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Furthest from the vagina, just saying. Or you think that landygirl does that? she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. No. Its called lying. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. What the fuck ever. Is that your position, or am I misinterpreting it? female Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. I hate a society that even makes this an issue. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. I cried and felt so depressed. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. And, lo and behold, you arent coming across any better. 2. Chopper jump on another severe cold day with the right hand exposed to activate the reserve chute. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. female Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. Made my day! Your welcome. So go control them all you please. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? BACKFIRES! April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark Men get a say in abortions? People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. He said theres only a chance. Youre more than welcome. For anyone. April 10, 2012, 7:21 pm. She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. Weeks. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. Fourth, this woman should run, not walk, from this dude. lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. Please. Neither is that birth control is not infallible. It doesnt involve any weird semi-involvement; but rather a clean break for the child and a chance to build a happy, loving life with a set of great parents. I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. Male victims being forced to pay child support, while extremely rare, I agree is sad and unfair to those boys. ColorsOfTheWind Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. Though I doubt thats what they really believe. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. Do you want a man who doesnt want to be in a childs life because it means being with you? This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. April 9, 2012, 5:52 pm, Sounds to me like your sister isnt so much unlucky, but a liar. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. You pack of hypocrites. 4. female Sue Jones I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. Well he will still have to pay child support. Twitter Debates 16-Year Age Gap Between Jaylen Brown & Mouthwatering Meemaw Bernice Burgos, Barbie Gyal Nicki Minaj Returns From Hiatus And Sets Di Road Ablaze At Trinidad Carnival 2023, Rain Pon Meeee: Ashanti Reminds Everyone How Feathered And FINE She Was At Trinidad Carnival 2019, Chaka Khan Shows No Mercy Blasting Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey & Other Names On Rolling Stone's 'Greatest Singers' List, Funniest (And Pettiest) Tweets From NBA All-Star Weekend 2023. he was told that he could not have any children so i thought she wasnt his. Blood is not everything. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! I never really got over him and he never got over me. April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. But still a good thing to have. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. My takeaway from this is that men should never have sex unless theyre sterile or want to have children, and even then they should never have sex unless they plan to never have sex with a different person in the future because there is absolutely no way to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases aside from the complete lack of sexual contact. I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. Let him go. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. Eggzactlee, though I dont burn effigies as we have Spare the Air days in CA. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! exactly hes allowed to not want to be a father, but be smarter about birth control. Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and LIKE Terrance Dean on Facebook, clickHERE! But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. Aim for the face. At some point you have to recognize your own self-worth and value, otherwise you will keep allowing him and others to walk all over you. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. He didnt expose her to STDs. No matter how many precautions you take, if a pregnancy occurs you have to accept that its because of what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions. She left me for him and and now wants me back. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. After that, its not your choice anymore. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph