We've received your submission. The list below has a comeback for practically every situation you could possibly run into from the jerk boyfriend and the fake friend to the helicopter parent and the nosy neighbor. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. best. She would say, Can you keep a secret? When the person would reply with Yes, I can, she would then say, So can I! That was usually the end of the conversation. To create this article, 45 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. Some of these questions arent necessarily awful, they just get a little tiring when youre asked it for the millionth time. (edited by VopretNull) Often, the best response to an immature comment is a measured and calm response. Laurie Ochoa is general manager of Food at the Los Angeles Times. Don't dish out what you can't take in return. You continue to meet my expectations. Find out more about how we use your personal data in our privacy policy and cookie policy. Dont worry about me. When a big-time lawyer rolls up on Erin Brockovich and blatantly challenges Brockovichs knowledge and abilities, Julia Roberts character is quick to set her straight. RELATED:These 6 Personality Types Always Need To Have The Last Word And Win Every Argument. Why is it so important to come up with good comebacks? Your a** must be pretty jealous of all the sh*t that comes out of your mouth. "I'm no proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one." Parenting is full of humor, as these stories can attest! I mean this very sediment of people saying didnt ask to things that dont require permission to say is not only stupid but also incredibly easy to counter. Try These Comebacks, If youre only capable of accepting information on your terms, the issues you have go a lot deeper than your ignorance of the topic at hand. She would say to anyone inquiring, Ill excuse you for asking, if youll excuse me for not answering. JANE M. IN FLORIDA. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. Reportedly while being held back by fellow cast mates, Murray fired off calling Chase a medium-talent. Julie analyzed each cookie and broke down what made each good. However you cannot even use that argument because you took the time to reply to my comment. Me neither. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality in real life. To make up for all the oxygen you waste. Prior to this, she was part of a two-year Hearst fellowship program where she covered crime and education in suburban Connecticut. Baskin-Robbins adds a hint of waffle, and voila. My phones battery lasts longer than your relationships. Unfortunately, thinking of the perfect comeback in the moment can be tough. 20 Something 20 Somethings 30 Somethings after dark best comebacks Burns Comebacks Comedy digs Funny genius responses Hilarious how to respond humiliate Humor Insults Jokes laugh on demand laugh out loud lol Love and Relationships Offensive One-Liners Relationships Relationships & Dating roast STFU what to say Zingers The point being of course that whatever they have asked is none of their business. Erin Kayata joined Readers Digest as an assistant staff writer in March 2019, coming from the Stamford Advocate where she covered education. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. 6 Answers. I often share my opinions, and people say, Did I ask?. but did they ask..? DEAR ABBY: In response to Ageless Lady in Washington (Oct. 8), who sought a retort to people who ask her age, I had an aunt who refused to divulge her age. First, theyll likely ask why youre wondering. Before we get to the comeback tips: a word of caution Tip 1. Get your answers by asking now. 2. Thats an interesting point of view. If you had two brains you would be twice as stupid. 48. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I never claimed to be answering a question. Good job. They're the best burn jokes you'll find. But here's hoping. authenticate users, apply security measures, and prevent spam and abuse, and, display personalised ads and content based on interest profiles, measure the effectiveness of personalised ads and content, and, develop and improve our products and services. The next time someone tries to put you down, try one of these savage comebacks: Savage comebacks are a great way to shut down someone who is trying to bring you down. I thought I heard someone who actually knows what theyre talking about. I often eat lunch in my car, seated in the passenger seat. Bullying should not be tolerated in the first place, but at least you now have some tools with which to defend yourself. Well, the jerk store called and theyre running out of you. George Constanza of Seinfeld dropped this epic line. In this blog post, well be uncovering 55 of the most savage comebacks for any and all arguments that will help put an end to any debate faster than you can say goodbye. 197.Can you die of constipation? RELATED:111 Ways To Say "F*ck You" While Keeping It Classy. -just my opinion Say this: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? And I know what you're going to say right after I finish sending this hammer of logic straight to your senses, you miserable little fucktwat, you're going to say "who tf asked?" Here are some of the best savage replies to insults: If someone calls you a name, try to come up with a clever response that turns the tables on them. Well, I would agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Being a d*ck wont make yours any bigger. Me: Singing along to Fleetwood Mac. You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair. You dont need a particularly smart comeback for this one since its. 35. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Climb back in your mum and cook a little longer. 99% Upvoted. Press J to jump to the feed. Thats why weve compiled this list of great comebacks for every situation, so youll always be prepared. Thinking Of Something To Say After An Argument Is Over Is The Worst Feeling. Actors playing the role of the robot Jacques and his traveling companion Penelope at the new steampunk-themed restaurant Toothsome Chocolate Emporium at Universal Studios City Walk. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Ill never forget the first time we met. RELATED:30 Perfect Comebacks To Use When Someone Calls You Fat. You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Hoes. (Security Pacific National Bank Collection / Los Angeles Public Library). I had a wet dream about you. But Ill keep trying, is an annihilating one-two punch. First of all, dogs cant ask dumb questions like that Dylan M (@dylanmicky_d) October 17, 2017. And if youre not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its better for you to not use it. 199. Remember when I asked for your opinion? 198. OK, maybe a little harsh. 196.Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parents. From Reddit user VigorousRapscallion: I was playing a drinking game that involves rules being made on the fly. I'm sorry, did you not get the memo? It's states, and I quote 'ask in one hand and shit in the other which one you think you'll fully grasp first Thanks for your input. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. And if this one doesnt do it for you, weve got plenty of pirate jokes on deck. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was to fart. Some babies were dropped on their heads, but you were clearly thrown against a wall. The (fill in the blank) called. And if you're reading these funny quotes and hilarious insults, you probably have, too. Be ready. It smells like something is burning, ___ are you trying to think again? B*tch, please, your vagina has been used more times than Google. Which means you're just as hard to remove. ", Sent this to my gf without reading it Im so fucked rn. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. When shes not writing articles about useful facts and pop culture, you can find Erin enjoying the local theater scene and working toward her goal of reading 50 books a year. I think you owe it an apology. Youre so ugly, you couldnt even arouse suspicion. Id give you a nasty look, but you already have one. These comebacks are best for those situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. Im sorry, I didnt hear you over the sound of how much I dont care. in Century City from the 1990s. Here are 11 words and phrases that used to be insultsand are now compliments. Composite Deck Railing Kits Home Depot, If they do ask, you could explain to them that they seem like they are in a bad mood. The next two highest-ranking characteristics were with a hint of salt (68%) and gooey (65%). Try the recipe Julie came up with and let us know on our @latimesfood Instagram account what you think and if you have a better recipe. You gain or lose absolutely nothing by reading my comment, except for a bit of time. Hi! Maybe follow it up with one of these funny jokes to defuse awkward situations at work. Why not take today off? Did I invite you to my barbecue? Insults for Comeback. Its the tiki-theme restaurant era, however, that resonates the most for me. If d*cks could fly, your mouth would be an airport. Ive been called worse things by better men. Pierre Trudeau, a Canadian politician, upon hearing Richard Nixon insulted him. 16. Or you could say did I fucking stutter. 34. The 100 best comebacks ever include witty, snarky and great insult responses. "No one fucking asked but im a human being with an opinion and evidence to back it up, and the soldiers of the revolutionary war and the civil war and the world wars all fought so that I had the right to free speech and thus the right to state that opinion and the evidence I have even when no one fucking asked. With that said, use these comeback ideas sparingly and only in situations where you feel comfortable doing so. This one is an instant classicjust like these 22 insults from Shakespeare that still sting to this day. RELATED: 25 Of The Best Comebacks & One-Liners From The Office. If you had a brain cell, it would die of loneliness. 2. MRS. F. IN CALIFORNIA, DEAR ABBY: Ageless Ladys letter reminded me of the response my great aunt would use when asked her age. or ask "Is there a law that says asking first gives you some bargaining rights? You'd laugh and the jerks would be very pissed. I see youre still stuck in middle school. Hey, I found your nose. Anyway (and continue what you were saying.). Insult: I think you are beginning to show high levels of stupidity. Your trust is our top concern, so businesses can't pay to alter or remove their reviews. There's no universal comeback, because sometimes they're correct that some information you've offered is irrelevant to the conversation, or that they don't want to talk about a topic, period. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Theres nothing quite as satisfying as a savage comeback. Not asking the right questions is your problem, not mine. 13. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Then use your They say our brains dont stop developing until we reach 25; looks like yours stopped a bit early. Use your newfound powers wisely! We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you is another great one to keep in your pocket when someone is being willfully ignorant. Hi! Please consult your doctor before taking any action. "The older I get the less surprised I think I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day." We got into a fight with a random girl at the park, and when we were walking away she screamed after us, What are you gonna do, strawberry lemonade?, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), 22 insults from Shakespeare that still sting to this day, funny political quotes and insults you cant help but laugh at, 11 words and phrases that used to be insultsand are now compliments, 16 compliments you dont realize are actually pretty insulting, 40 funny sayings worth committing to memory, 50 cheesy pickup lines guaranteed to get a laugh, hilarious photos that will make you laugh out loud, 21 anti-jokes you cant help but laugh at anyway, groan-worthy jokes you cant help but laugh at, funny jokes to defuse awkward situations at work, movies with the best one-liners youll want to say over and over, Do Not Sell My Personal Information CA Residents. You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room. This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound. Anyone agree? "I don't know. You have a little bullsh*t on your lip. comebacks: No, but you to much of a dumb fuck to know so i have to tell you comeback: We have to ask for opinions now? Regularly-updated list of Comeback insults and Comeback comebacks, sorted by latest, highest rated, and random. You are the load your mom should have swallowed. Another comeback that doesnt miss: Oooh, you wanna kiss me so bad. If someone is angryor obsessedenough with you, the insinuation that they in fact harbor affection towards you is all it takes to tilt a power struggle back in your favor. There is the attention you were looking for. DEAR JANE: That was a classic Dear Abby retort from many years ago, and one I have also recommended. 995 Good Comebacks. We all know (only too well from bitter experience) that anyone who says "I asked you first" is sniffing for an argument and not really interested i too bad I didn't read it.". You're fucking dead, kiddo.. Youre my favorite person besides every other person Ive met. ", "So you should be prepared to answer first too - You should never ask a question you aren't willing to answer yourself". H*es be like, Ive been through a lot. No a lot has been through you. save. This one is even better if you have a real bag to use as a prop. That was the greatest Christmas present I could have asked for, says Blunck. Youre as sharp as a rubber ball. And even if it was, why would I have to ask you? 1.1k. If he was any more inbred, hed be a sandwich. Comebacks for When Your Depression Says 'You Suck,' a white woman with blonde hair drawn in pop art style. So if I typed jerk into Google, would your picture come up? While some comebacks are simply witty one-liners, others require quick-thinking and sharp wit to come up with an effective response on the spot. Jill Zwarensteyn is a writer and Michigan native who covers trending topics, pop culture and astrology. David Letterman: Im not as dumb as I look.