Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. Be caring. I am 60 soon and dread having to try and start again. Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. What men want is for her to have some of that drive back. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. She chose to be sexless, so now she has another choice to make. The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. Talk with your husband about sexual fantasies he has or things he may want to try in the bedroom. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? No doubt youre frustrated. . Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. First, that every interaction will be based on trust. . 3. Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. But she is just not sexually attracted to me. He is suffering from a mental health issue. Underlying medical problems I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. So I cheat. Try a new sexual position, make more of an effort to engage in foreplay, or introduce new outfits or props into your sex life. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. Married 50years and our sex life never really got going. After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. That leaves us with so many perverts running around today inept at forming a real relationship, fantasy is in sadly. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. She will sit in bed on her phone though. Remember its never too late to start. I think that the advice to seek a trained sex therapist, and the encouragement to increase communication between this man and his wife is appropriate and excellent. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. My husband became disabled and had to quit his job. Again, he has no interest in sex and doesnt even like me seeing him naked say getting out of the shower, or undressing, etc.. And, he remains curled up and turned away from me in bed at night. Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. Save yourself it is merely self preservation. Many claim that its women who become dis- Same issue here. With so many of us in similar situations, it would be nice if we could just reshuffle the deck, at least in this one area. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. LoL. We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. They complain that the wife was open to sex anytime anywhere when they were dating but it all changed after kids were born. She is intelligent and knows exactly what is going on. My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. Thats great but what about the man? I am a man who has been married for 48 years and to read The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants suggests a serious mental illness. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. To me, hes practicing classic avoidance and he simply closes up emotionally. No love no sex. I honestly dont know what happens to men as they age. Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. Like I have a total stranger as a house guest. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. He is a kind man and I love him. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. You should consider a strap on dildo, the size and width are your choice. I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. I totally understand how lingering issues in a relationship make it ridiculously hard to want to have sex. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. So, Thomas maybe your right they must be doing it wrong. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. She likely doesn't want you to touch her bc whenever you do it leads to an implied intimacy interaction she doesn't want. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. Food, sleep, sex. Yes, he may have more energy then she does because he did nothing all day but insulted her and her lack of sex. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. Stan, You have no idea how ignorant your statement is. Make your own porn and watch that. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. If I push thru to be happy and have energy, he expects me to be like I was 20 years ago. I am at my wits end. It is indeed like forcing down a tasteless meal for someone elses sake. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. I almost wish I were. Now after almost 50 years of marriage, I get two aging people going through the motions of life with a hug and a quick peck on the lips because to desire more means I am stressing him out or asking too much. Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. But very tired of masterbating. Yow..I am a 32 year sober alcoholic and thought I had a slight case of ED..but the mens clinics determined thats not the case..its the flat and lifeless attitude I am getting from my wife that kind of keeps things limp. Your wife may simply just not want sex as regularly as you do, and she may not even know how important sex is to you. But this past 6 months I see things slipping and I feel we are not getting that closeness and are becoming more distant even though we do many things together. If you are not. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. Look, we have all pretty much aged our of sexual adventurism but our minds refuse to accept it. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. Well, you might offer to find one for them, then bud out. Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? Im considering leaving altogether and realize it will put a financial strain on both of us although we have significant cash equity in our home which can make it much easier in retirement. Is it so horrible for me to want to passionately kiss her if it doesnt even lead to sex? Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. Womens inherent nesting instinct naturally shifts their focus to family and kids, and this may, in turn, affect the mind space she can allocate to you and sexual desires. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? Fix it. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. It makes me feel sick. Dont worry about having sex for a long time. But maybe if shes willing to try your weekly sex date again, she might find that once youve aroused her, the mood sails in. well she decided we will not have sex, and to top it off, she has panic if she touches me and me touching her. What is the solution? After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. Im in my 50s and after years without feeling that hardness inside me anymore, I often find myself thinking about the next 30 years without. There is one other medical condition relating to touch called allodynia. As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. An endocrinologist told me he had never seen that before. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. I love her but I need sex I cant survive with masturbation, being with a woman and everything that goes with it is so important to me. I understand. We went to separate colleges and this was before cell phones and computers. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. When your partner wont touch you, there could be infidelity involved, 6. I dont look my age at all! Q. Menopause and hot flashes have taken my sex life away. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. My husband spent hundreds of hours on his phone coming up with scenarios to cope with a diagnosis of peyronies that has impacted our ability to have sex, but has never once gone to you tube to figure out how to give me an orgasm! Yeah Andrew me too. Yes, totally wrong. I ask why she said it is just how it is. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. I wish you well and hope you find some consolation Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. I realize that I really dont know your reasons for not wanting to be sexual with me whether it hurts you, or theres something Im doing or not doing. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. My wife has no desire for . Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. Be the man who won her heart! Ill say this, If you truely love your spouse and THEY need intimacy, find a way to make SOMETHING happen because you are killing them. Good luck. contrasts what my Wife and her 7 siblings and and an unstable Mother made her as the oldest have us take in 2 of her brothers early in our marriage. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. In the meantime,, get naked and take care of your partners needs because as you can see on this strand, there are plenty of people out there who will! He is ten years older. Flirting in public! The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. 5 Marriage Problems That Most Couples Face And Their Solutions, My Wife Is Not Interested In Sex And Sometimes It Feels Like I Am Having It With A Dead Body. Take what you can, now. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! Women love that. Maybe we should start a group. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. None the less partners have to also accept it is something you dont get used to or get over. Talk about a double standard! Its not worth the stress. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. * RECOMMENDED CONFIGURATION VARIABLES: EDIT AND UNCOMMENT Thank you for sharing! She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. She would still complain of pain. 3, stop calling her names and no more fights with give you more chances of having sex with her that night. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. I go through the details of your sexual life. Im really suffering. High blood pressure I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. "Having small children is a frequent and legitimate excuse for not having sex.". If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. I didnt have children hoping and wishing things would change!!! However, whenever a relationship began getting serious my body would suddenly shut down- no erection, no ejaculation, no desire. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? My wife is 61 and Im 57. Theres no divorce possibility. You can be in a marriage without sex. Is it so horrible if I want to snuggle with her? Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. My best friend. I still plan/need to continue working in a high tech job many hours a week, with excellent insurance, which is fortunate, and there is no way she can drive or work for several decades now. So the time has come to find a willing older gal and have an affair and feel alive and like a man again 330 Comments Nothing arouses it. Not only are you missing out on some fun in the bedroom, but most importantly, youre missing that intimate connection it creates with your wife. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. Ive tried everything I can think of but Ive given up. Harley, I am doing none of those things. Our finances have never been merged and the only money between us has been my initial investment in her business. I find that unfathomable. Weve all heard the answer to no Sex is stop having Sex? Hmmm. And LATINA. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. A lack of time and attention will naturally cause distance to creep into the marriage, which will take its toll on your sex life too. I can live with that, but I can not live with never being touched or made love to ever again. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. It literally changed our lives. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? Maybe not as often or intense, but more tender, Life is complicated and gets more complicated as we get older. Your husband, not even talking to you must be so hard on your self esteem. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. Lets separate then.NO! Harley i rejected it, because I have become detached, unhappy and frustrated. Because I am not attractive to her. She never apologized. I want to get divorced and he refuses to accept that our marriage just simply was never a Marriage. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. She has just lost interest. why is he grumpy? When was the last time you went out on a date together? We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. i feel for you my spouse stopped being interested in sex 20 years ago at my age 51,for many years we had some extrem arguments and are still having them,,, to no avail what do you do. But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. He spent 100.00 on his mother as he forgot to get her a card why cant he forgive me ? My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. Im gonna ask you a serious question please be honest. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage!